Summer is going ok. I have two jobs and a boyfriend. I am stressed out and over emotional. I hate the house I live in because there is useless crap everywhere, like free AOL discs from 1999. What was that AOL .05?? Seriously. There is a brand new computer sitting in the corner still in the box, oh wait it was new in 2004 when it was bought. The level of packratness is gross, the house isn't taken care of and I don't like having to deal with someone who says make yourself comfortable but oh wait why did you do that and don't do this. I don't like a hypocrite, granted sometimes we all are.
My relationship is on a bumpy road right now but we are doing well and still happy. I just feel helpless sometimes I just don't know what to do sometimes. I feel like I am fine but he seems so fragile, he is overworked and doesn't sleep, not to mention he worries about me constantly. I have been trying to help him but we only get to see each other once or twice a week. Kinda sucks. He has no time for himself so he has to take that time out of our time, I am just glad I get to see him at all.
I have never been a champion breather but when I woke up not breathing a few weeks ago the problem was really made clear to me. Not only was I not breathing I had trouble getting myself to breath again. I have never been so scared. So more doctors and some checkups etc. and hopefully they will figure out why I am tired all the time and why I snore so loud and why I woke up not breathing, and then solve it. In turn I hope that fixing whatever is going on there will help me be more energetic and focused.
I am tired and I don't have internet or t.v. Books are my savior.
-J.
Monday, June 18, 2007
Monday, May 7, 2007
Finally!
I turned in my last final at midnight tonight and it felt so fricken good! Except I tripped up the stairs to the library to print my final off. It was fairly embarassing cause my manila envelope went flying and so did I. Atleast it was dark out. Stupid stairs.
I feel really good about this last semester. I fell like I finally buckled down and put serious effort into my work and classes. Makes me feel good about myself. I didn't go out nearly as much and haven't really been hanging out with anyone except my boyfriend but oh well.
I can't wait to go home. I am home sick and I just want good food. Commons food will never be good. It just won't.
This summer should be fun too because I will be running the Anthro. museum here on campus.
Two more weeks and I am 21. I am not as excited as I thought I would be, maybe it's cause I am exhausted.
Sleep is calling.
-J.
I feel really good about this last semester. I fell like I finally buckled down and put serious effort into my work and classes. Makes me feel good about myself. I didn't go out nearly as much and haven't really been hanging out with anyone except my boyfriend but oh well.
I can't wait to go home. I am home sick and I just want good food. Commons food will never be good. It just won't.
This summer should be fun too because I will be running the Anthro. museum here on campus.
Two more weeks and I am 21. I am not as excited as I thought I would be, maybe it's cause I am exhausted.
Sleep is calling.
-J.
Tuesday, April 24, 2007
A note or two
I have a week and a half of school left and I can't believe it's almost over with. I have a regular exam, a final exam, final paper and two museum labels due and then I am done. After that I have to pack up my room and move into Tina's.
My moms birthday is on mother's day so that should be interesting especially considering I have no money at all. I need my tax return's really bad gah. My birthday is coming up really fast and finally I will be done with the last exciting birthday. Although this birthday probably won't be that exciting. I might go to a few bars but I really don't enjoy getting shit faced and puking all over the place.
So I got a job but it's been a week and the guy still hasn't gotten back to me on when I start. This makes me nervous because if he changed his mind I need to start looking for a job, now. I emailed him yesterday, but the museums are closed on mondays so I think he wasn't in, but still. Boooo to that.
On another random note, I am ridiculously happy. Yeah I have everyday stresses, angers, downers, but I am happy. I am happy with me and who I am. Struggling with depression really held me back and I feel like this last semester the last cloud was finally lifted.
Another happy aspect: my boyfriend. We have only been together for a few months but it feels like a much longer time. We were immediately comfortable around each other and out of that a friendship has sprung and out of that an infatuation. I don't want to say it's love although sometimes it's hard not to tell him I love him. It could easily become love and I can't wait for that. I can see us being together for a long time, and I am really excited. I want to be with him and I have managed to push aside the commitment scares the hell out of me stuff. And I can say pretty safely he is at the same place as me. : )
My moms birthday is on mother's day so that should be interesting especially considering I have no money at all. I need my tax return's really bad gah. My birthday is coming up really fast and finally I will be done with the last exciting birthday. Although this birthday probably won't be that exciting. I might go to a few bars but I really don't enjoy getting shit faced and puking all over the place.
So I got a job but it's been a week and the guy still hasn't gotten back to me on when I start. This makes me nervous because if he changed his mind I need to start looking for a job, now. I emailed him yesterday, but the museums are closed on mondays so I think he wasn't in, but still. Boooo to that.
On another random note, I am ridiculously happy. Yeah I have everyday stresses, angers, downers, but I am happy. I am happy with me and who I am. Struggling with depression really held me back and I feel like this last semester the last cloud was finally lifted.
Another happy aspect: my boyfriend. We have only been together for a few months but it feels like a much longer time. We were immediately comfortable around each other and out of that a friendship has sprung and out of that an infatuation. I don't want to say it's love although sometimes it's hard not to tell him I love him. It could easily become love and I can't wait for that. I can see us being together for a long time, and I am really excited. I want to be with him and I have managed to push aside the commitment scares the hell out of me stuff. And I can say pretty safely he is at the same place as me. : )
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
good day
I had a wonderful day today. I had a job interview at 11, which I got, and I gave a kickass presentation for 20 nerve racking minutes. I feel great. It's finally nice outside and there are only 2.5 weeks of school left. I also took an amazing 1.5 hour long nap in which I did not dream at all. So today indeed has been a wonderful day!
Wednesday, April 11, 2007
Days of Yore
So the weather here is a big stinky turd. It's April 11th and there is a few inches of snow on the ground with 6-9 more coming tonight. It's the week before my period, School is winding down and finals are coming up, and I hate getting wet. So today I was in the bitchiest mood I could have been in. Just crabby all around. For example my boyfriend tried to grab my ass and I nearly broke his arm. I hate being crabby, I don't like to be mean but lately, this week so far, I have just been a little black cloud running around on campus trying to electricuit people.
Speaking of electricity, it was down on the entire campus. So I said to myself what did people do when the sun went down in days of yore, well they went to sleep so I went to sleep. In the meantime the rest of Beloit College campus decided to go dance in the snow by the light of car headlamps. Really good example of what would not happen in the real world, hahaha. Really if I had been a delivery person and I drove up to campus and not a single light was on, including street lights, and everyone was outside dancing on a Wed. night I would lock my doors and keep driving.
As a side note I think I have an idea of what I want to do in grad. school and I am really fricken excited. West Mexican pottery. There is a literal blackhole of information missing from this area and there is so much I could do I can barely stand it. For example I could deal with the temper, the clay itself, how they are physically constructing the pots, where are they making them, who is making them, what do the everyday people and villages look like? Seriously I could go on. So I am very excited and when the time comes I think I can get a good recommendation from a prof. I have been working with who shares my excitement for ceramics. Plus my Spanish totally applies. It's amazing how easy it was to double major and still be able to graduate in 4 years. Yes I love liberal arts and science private colleges! Hahaha
So I geuss that puts me in a pretty damn good mood, having an idea where I want my career to go. : )
-J.
Speaking of electricity, it was down on the entire campus. So I said to myself what did people do when the sun went down in days of yore, well they went to sleep so I went to sleep. In the meantime the rest of Beloit College campus decided to go dance in the snow by the light of car headlamps. Really good example of what would not happen in the real world, hahaha. Really if I had been a delivery person and I drove up to campus and not a single light was on, including street lights, and everyone was outside dancing on a Wed. night I would lock my doors and keep driving.
As a side note I think I have an idea of what I want to do in grad. school and I am really fricken excited. West Mexican pottery. There is a literal blackhole of information missing from this area and there is so much I could do I can barely stand it. For example I could deal with the temper, the clay itself, how they are physically constructing the pots, where are they making them, who is making them, what do the everyday people and villages look like? Seriously I could go on. So I am very excited and when the time comes I think I can get a good recommendation from a prof. I have been working with who shares my excitement for ceramics. Plus my Spanish totally applies. It's amazing how easy it was to double major and still be able to graduate in 4 years. Yes I love liberal arts and science private colleges! Hahaha
So I geuss that puts me in a pretty damn good mood, having an idea where I want my career to go. : )
-J.
Tuesday, April 10, 2007
Fire-Bomb
My car is seriously pissing me off. It sounds like a fucking lawn-mower and then I figured out hey I haven't had an oil change in awhile and checked my oil and there was no oil. heh. oops. kicks self in face! so I called my mom whose boyfriend is a mechanic yadah yaddah and I did what he told me to do and it sounds less like a lawnmower. But it still sounds like a fucking lawnmower!!!! I am going to fire bomb that piece of shit!!!!! Garrgh!
Saturday, April 7, 2007
long time no post
I haven't had much to say lately. I think that's obvious. I have been doing a lot of work lately and this last week went terribly slow. It's the fifth week before the end of the year and it's been a month since spring break and even the professors are feeling the end of the year creeping up. I have been working closely with one of my professors on my presentations and what not and I think we have made a bond. She loves ceramics and so do I. We also don't like the same person in the class.
My boyfriend and I are doing well, Octavio came down for a night to hang out and met him. He gave his approval. : )
It's probably stress but lately my dreams have been horrendous. Not only do they not make sense but they are also full of blood and guts. For example: In this dream it was like I was standing on a second story porch or something watching things play out. Infront of me were two fields, one on each side of a house. The fields which were actually quite small were full of cows on the right side and bulls on the left. For whatever reason the bulls horns were about 3 feet long and looked more like a ridiculous pitch fork. By the house was a fat clown looking man who was weed-whacking or something. He kept getting closer to the bull side of the house. In the meantime the bulls were trying to see who was dominate and they were trying to hump each other. Then a very young bull tried to hump a bull in his prime and the older bull turned around and chased all the bulls out of the yard. For whatever reason there was a big black bear sleeping in the middle of that field and when the bulls started running it woke the bear up. the bear turned ferocious and chased the rest of the bulls out of the yard. At this point in time the fat bobbly man had entered the bull field and was standing in the path of the bear. The bear used its claws and slashed the mans front and then continue after the bulls. The man turned around and fell on his back still intact. Another individual, possibly representing me as someone else, came and squatted at the head of this man and threw themself onto his torso where they fell into his body via the slashes the bear had made. The person wasn't expecting this and sat up covered in blood and guts and started screaming the most horrendous scream.
That dream tied into another dream where that person had become a CSI and had convulsions anytime they were reminded of that incident.
As most of the people who are close to me know this type of dream, totally random and very vivid, is typical of my dreams every night. If only I had the time to write all my fucked up dreams down!
-J.
My boyfriend and I are doing well, Octavio came down for a night to hang out and met him. He gave his approval. : )
It's probably stress but lately my dreams have been horrendous. Not only do they not make sense but they are also full of blood and guts. For example: In this dream it was like I was standing on a second story porch or something watching things play out. Infront of me were two fields, one on each side of a house. The fields which were actually quite small were full of cows on the right side and bulls on the left. For whatever reason the bulls horns were about 3 feet long and looked more like a ridiculous pitch fork. By the house was a fat clown looking man who was weed-whacking or something. He kept getting closer to the bull side of the house. In the meantime the bulls were trying to see who was dominate and they were trying to hump each other. Then a very young bull tried to hump a bull in his prime and the older bull turned around and chased all the bulls out of the yard. For whatever reason there was a big black bear sleeping in the middle of that field and when the bulls started running it woke the bear up. the bear turned ferocious and chased the rest of the bulls out of the yard. At this point in time the fat bobbly man had entered the bull field and was standing in the path of the bear. The bear used its claws and slashed the mans front and then continue after the bulls. The man turned around and fell on his back still intact. Another individual, possibly representing me as someone else, came and squatted at the head of this man and threw themself onto his torso where they fell into his body via the slashes the bear had made. The person wasn't expecting this and sat up covered in blood and guts and started screaming the most horrendous scream.
That dream tied into another dream where that person had become a CSI and had convulsions anytime they were reminded of that incident.
As most of the people who are close to me know this type of dream, totally random and very vivid, is typical of my dreams every night. If only I had the time to write all my fucked up dreams down!
-J.
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